Acknowledge and reinforce positive behavior - “I'm glad you shared your train with
your brother.” “Thank you for hanging up your coat.” “I like the way you handled
your brother when he took your doll away.” “You were really patient while I was
on the phone. Now, what was it that you wanted to ask me?” This lets your child
know that you appreciate and expect positive behavior.
Ignore inappropriate behavior that you can tolerate – Nagging while you're on the
phone can be dealt with with positive reinforcement – Thank you for waiting while
I was talking on the phone. I'm finished now, so what did you need? and then
ignore the behavior that you don't like – ignore your child's interruptions while
you're on the phone. Now, you'll probably say that if you ignore them they only
scream louder. But, they scream louder because they know they will always get
your attention. Ignore their inappropriate behavior and they'll get the message.
Just Say “NO!” - Your child needs limits and you should set those limits and
enforce them consistently. Don't say no all the time though. Say yes every now
and then, when it's appropriate, and let them know why it's OK for this one time.
Your child needs exercise – When we adults get angry, we sometimes need a
physical outlet for that anger. We jog, we take a walk around the block, we go to
the gym and hit the stairmaster with a vengeance. Your child needs an outlet,
too. Let them run around and make a little noise for a while to let off some of that
steam. They're in danger of erupting just as much as you are.
Also, keep in mind that a hug is a powerful emotional band-aid for a child. Don't
hug your child, though, to make the anger go away. Hug him to let him know you
understand why he's angry and that you take it very seriously.
Show interest in your child's activities – Attention and pride can often make it
easier for your child to deal with negative emotions. When he does experience
failures and frustration, knowing that you love him and you're proud of him will
make these negative feelings much less significant to your child. Sometimes
children express anger in an aggressive way to attract attention from their
parents. If they already have your attention, then won't need the aggressive behavior.
Use humor to diffuse anger – Humor lightens any stressful situation, even for kids.
Don't use humor to ridicule your child, though, use it to make light of the situation
and put it into perspective. “I know you're angry at that little girl for calling you
names, but doesn't it make you wonder just what a purple jammy jaws LOOKs
like!?”
When situations change, tell your child directly – If you normally let your child play
his drum in the living room in the afternoon and you all of a sudden send him to
his room he's going to get angry. But if you explain to him that you have a
headache and that, just for today, you need him to play quietly in his room; you
can diffuse that anger and also teach him a lesson in compassion at the same
time.
Use all your parenting skills – If your child is in the middle of a tantrum that he's
unable to stop on his own, pick him up and restrain him. Not only for his own
safety, but to let him know that it's OK to step away from the situation if need be.
If you have to bargain with your child to get him to stop screaming, then do it
occasionally. As adults, we reward ourselves at the end of a long, hard day. Your
child deserves a reward, too, sometimes.
Most of all, remember that your child learns his anger management techniques
from you. If you curse when you're angry, so will he. If you throw things when
you're angry, you can bet he will, too. And if you strike him in anger, he'll repeat
the cycle with his own children. Teach your child from a very young age how to
handle his anger and you'll be better preparing him for his future.
Regards,
Fermi Mirza Alfarisi
email : fermimirza@gmail.com
Phone/WA : 085710420922
BBM : 75B55C77
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