Dealing with an angry child can be one of the most difficult aspects of parenting.
You may find yourself constantly battling, and constantly exhausted, after
repeated battles that you eventually win only because you hold the trump card -
“Because I said so”. But winning a battle of wills with your child simply by tossing
your ace on top doesn't leave you with a feeling of confidence in your parenting
abilities. After the battle is over, you often feel ashamed of yourself for handling it
that way, and guilty for showing your child that you're angry.
Many of us, as children, are taught that it's wrong to get angry, that being angry
is bad, or, that if we're angry, we must have done something to deserve it. These
kind of mistaken beliefs are what make it so difficult for us to deal with our
children when they become angry.
So, the first step toward helping your child manage his anger is to understand that
it's OK to be angry. It's a normal, human emotion. What you need to do is help
your child learn how to channel that anger in a more productive way.
There are many things in our adult lives that make us angry. Standing in line at
the grocery store, mistakes at work, flat tires on the freeway. We need to
remember that there are many things in our children’s lives that make them
angry, too, and allow them to feel those feelings of anger, but show them
acceptable ways of expressing it.
Children generally respond with anger because they feel helpless. Their chubby
little fingers can't seem to make that bow in the shoelace. Or they can't figure out
how to button their coat. They also feel like they are helpless against you. They
have to go to bed when you tell them, they have to eat their veggies. They have
no control, therefore they feel helpless.
But, to understand why one child becomes angry and then quickly skips off to the
playground while the other child becomes violent takes a little more time and
effort. What caused the outburst? The thing to remember is that, in adults, our
angry seems to be more a generic emotion. But in children, anger can be
triggered by embarrassment, loneliness, anxiety and hurt. Children respond with
anger in these situations because they feel helpless to understand them fully and
helpless to change them.
It's important to remember that anger isn't the same thing as aggression. Anger
is a temporary emotional state caused by frustration, while aggression is often an
attempt to hurt someone or destroy property. Let your child know that it's OK to
feel angry, but aggression is definitely not allowed.
Dealing with a child's anger and aggression requires that you first find out what
they are feeling. Ask them what happened or why they are feeling the way they
feel. But explain to your child that anger is OK and then let them know that you
get angry too and here's how you handle it.
Regards,
Fermi Mirza Alfarisi
email : fermimirza@gmail.com
Phone/WA : 085710420922
BBM : 75B55C77
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