I'm sure you've had it happen where someone says or does something first thing
in the morning that makes you angry for the rest of the day. Maybe even the next
2 or 3 days. Your entire day or week is shot because of one minor misstep that
someone took that has made you angry and now you can't get over it. Your mind
is constantly roiling with comebacks and “should have said's”. You imagine what
would happen if you had said THIS, and what would he think if you said THAT.
And it eats away at you, constantly, until you're exhausted from the argument
that's going on inside your head and you're so angry you’re physically ill.
This chaotic conversation you've been having with yourself is called Self-Talk and
we all do it. Just not necessarily to the extent that you are. This constant replay
of “what ifs” and “should have saids” is what keeps your anger smoldering. In
fact, you're actually fanning the flames into what will soon become a raging
inferno.
By changing your self-talk, you'll be using a very popular anger management
strategy. The general idea is that our inner thoughts, the words we speak to
ourselves, have a great impact on how we feel. If our self-talk is angry or antagonistic, it's very probably that our anger will increase. Meaning, if we continue that battle in our heads, we'll only end up losing.
By the same token, if we change our self-talk into something more calming and
soothing, we're more likely to experience less anger and feel less violent. For
example, instead of thinking, “If he says that one more time, I'm going to
explode!”, try thinking, “Take a deep breath, stay calm, I can get through this”.
To help you better understand the power of positive self-talk, consider the impact
the other person's words have on you when you're angry. Haven't you ever been
really angry and then the other person says something that goads your anger
even more? And then think of a time when you've been really angry and a friend
has told you to take a deep breath and calm down.
Just having that sympathetic person tell you to calm down usually helps. You COULD have remained angry, but you chose to stay calm and handle things appropriately simply because your friend was there to offer you calming advice.
Recognizing and understanding the importance of your friend's words will help you
to understand that, even though your friends are not always around, you always
have the option to take that step back and calm down. Sometimes, you just need
someone to tell you that you have that option. And if there's no one else around,
you have to tell yourself. The key is, you have to pay a little more attention and
start replacing that negative self-talk with positive words of encouragement.
Although changing your inner conversation that you have with yourself might not
be easy at first, the more you practice the better you'll get at it. So practice,
practice, practice and keep in mind just how powerful your words can be and that
they hold the key to managing your anger.
Regards,
Fermi Mirza Alfarisi
email : fermimirza@gmail.com
Phone/WA : 085710420922
BBM : 75B55C77
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