Not everyone who experiences anger has anger management problems. Most
people have, at some point in their life, gotten so angry they “see red” as they
say, or angry enough to scream or cry. They might even get angry enough to
smash a dish or two. But they are also able to get that anger under control and
get on with their lives. They control their anger; their anger does not control
them. And they don't allow their anger to affect their lives, either. They haven't
lost a loved one or a job because they can't control their anger.
But you may not be so lucky. If poor anger management techniques are taking a
toll on your personal and/or professional life, then put this book down right now
and give yourself a pat on the back for recognizing that you need help and being
strong enough to accept it. Managing your anger can be quite a challenge, but, as
they say, a journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step.
Take a deep breath and slow down
Many times, when people feel angry, they start moving and working at a furious
pace. They speak faster, drive faster, move faster, all in response to the fight-orflight
reaction our body feels as a response to increased adrenaline from an
emotional or physical trigger. When you pick up the pace like that, you sometimes
forget to slow down and take a look at the big picture. Instead, you jump into
that argument with every intention of drawing blood.
The next time you get angry and ready to fight, force yourself to slow down and
take a deep breath. Actually, take 3. Breathe deeply, in through the nose, and
then exhale slowly through the mouth. The increased oxygen has a calming effect
on your nervous system and will counteract that adrenaline that's rushing through
your body that makes you want to kill someone. This will also give you time to
calmly asses the situation and find a better way of handling it.
Take a step back
When you're involved in an angry situation, your first response is to jump in and
attack. But your best choice is to step back and reflect on what's really
happening. Rushing in with an angry response will only escalate the conflict and
provoke an even angrier response. Let the other person have their say and try to
understand their point of view. Seeing the big picture is much easier when you
step back from the situation and the anger that may be inhibiting your
communication.
Take a break
Sometime, it might take more than just stepping back from the situation. Stress
may be igniting several peoples' fuses to the point where everyone is angry and
confused. If you're at the point where no one is thinking clearly, it may be best if
everyone just go there separate way for awhile.
Depending on the size of the problem and the time necessary for all involved to
cool off, you could meet back up in 5 minutes or reschedule the discussion until
everyone has had time to get their emotions under control.
Watch an instant replay
When you start feeling your anger ready to erupt, take a look back at what led you
to this state. Was it something someone said? Or is it something that happened
in the past that's triggered by a current issue? Give yourself time to admit you're
upset and then to figure out why. Once you know why you're upset, it will be
easier to come up with an effective and appropriate solution. You may have to
replay the scenario a few times to understand why it's making you so angry. Once
you come to the root of this anger, you may even eliminate it entirely.
Walk a mile in their moccasins
The next time you start to get angry because your child didn't make his bed the
way you want it made, put yourself in his position. Literally. He's much shorter
than you and he doesn't have the dexterity yet, to handle making those perfect
hospital corners. Did your husband forget to pick up milk on his way home from
work? Walk a mile in his moccasins and see if you'd remember to stop at the
market after the day he just had. If nothing else, put yourself in their shoes to
see what it would feel like to be on the receiving end of your anger day in and day
out.
Take a walk
If necessary, go for a walk for a few minutes to work off your anger rather than
take it out on someone else. Take your dog for a walk, stroll around your
neighborhood or head out to the loading dock to stretch your legs. Exercise of any
kind relieves stress and your anger will drain along with the stress. Avoid walking
like you're heading off to kill someone though. Walking rapidly may actually feed
your anger, especially if you continue brooding while you're walking. I know it
sounds trite to tell you to stop and smell the roses, but you'll find that if you do, or
look up at the sky, or notice the birds in the trees, your anger will almost instantly
evaporate simply because you've redirected your thoughts.
Once your anger dissipates, you'll be better able to find a solution to whatever the
problem is that made you angry to begin with. Regular exercise is a wonderful
way to eliminate stress and if you can get in the habit of walking several times a
week, you may notice your bouts with anger getting fewer and fewer.
Talk to a friend
When you're in the middle of an anger-inducing situation, talk to a friend. Call
them on the phone, send them a letter, or chat on the computer. Meet up for
coffee! Anything that will let you get your negative emotions into words. If a
friend isn't available, write it down in a journal. Ann Landers even suggested just
writing your negative thoughts down on a piece of paper and then throw it away.
Just the act of getting it out and venting is often enough to dispel the anger and
let you get on with finding a solution.
Be ready to listen to your friends, too, when they have a problem. You'll not only
help them, but it will give you a different perspective on your own problems,
sometimes making you thankful that your problems aren't as bad as theirs.
Learn to listen
When you feel yourself getting angry with someone, listen to what they have to
say. Many people SAY they listen but all they're really doing is keeping their
mouth shut while the other person speaks, and plotting what they're going to say
next when it's their turn again.
We have two ears and one mouth for a reason. We should listen twice as much as
we speak. Really listen to what the other person is saying, even if they're also
speaking in anger. Be sure you understand their viewpoint. If you have to, ask
them to clarify a point for you. There's no sense in getting angry or violent if you
don't know why you're getting angry or violent.
Get a pet
If you can't keep a goldfish on your desk at work, then get a puppy, or a kitten, or
even a guinea pig for home. Even if you CAN keep a goldfish at work, get a pet
for home. A pet gives you a sense of companionship and responsibility.
Interacting with a pet helps relieve stress and calm your nerves. Relieving stress and anxiety helps control anger outbursts and managing your anger becomes more important when you have someone dependent on you to look after.
Put on a happy face
The next time you feel yourself getting angry, just smile. I know, it sounds stupid.
But try it now. Smile and hold it for 5 seconds. It's hard to stay upset when
you're smiling, even if it's forced. It's even harder for someone to stay upset with
YOU if you're smiling. Not only will you calm yourself down, you'll diffuse all the
other anger, too, with something as cheap and simple as a smile.
Regards,
Fermi Mirza Alfarisi
email : fermimirza@gmail.com
Phone/WA : 085710420922
BBM : 75B55C77
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